Well, although I’m with jake, I still have one of those.. And I think everyone always does.. But anyway, point is, mine is my best friend
And we spend a lot of time together.. And I’m not sure if it’s healthy
Because while I’m with jake, I shouldn’t have any feelings of anyone else at all… But I’m pretty sure I do..
And I thought billy had them too (well, he’s the same as me: will always have feelings for that one person and that’s me,) a bit more than usual.. But turns out not to be this way.
He said the other night that he “needs to find a girl that doesn’t already have a boy” directly implying me in the context it was in.. And then we spoke further last night and he said that he “doesn’t really..” because he “hasn’t really thought about it”
Fuck mixed signals :(

You do all the things you used to when you liked me..
And you’ll text me in the morning and in the afternoon even if we’ve seen each other all day. You tell me everything and listen to me and care about my dreams..
You always go out of your way to help me..
I know youre an incredible person at the worst of times so maybe this is all second nature to you.. Maybe this is how you treat everyone
Either way, I enjoy our friendship :)

Heres to a beautiful thing, long time coming

Everything is going weird.. Hove always loved me and I’ve always wanted you and now we’ve got it and we’re happy for the most part
Bt I need you to keep trying and keep going because for something that has been this way for so long, having it change on me would be horrific

I don’t think you love someone else, but I do think we’ve grown comfortable and think we don’t need to try any more.. But we do..
This needs to work.. I don’t know what things are like without us any more.. All I want is to be a burnout hippie couple like we used to be.. We need to play more and you need to make more time for me.. And you don’t and it feels, sometimes, like you don’t give a shit.

Your dad is going away Saturday night so you choose to have the boys from school over instead.. What is that how often do we get the chance to spend huge amounts of time together like that?

And worse is that you tell me and say we could have somber together but then tearing it out from under my feet..
This is the kind of thing I’m talking about.. You need to make more of an effort to spend time with me.
You have volleyball Monday and Friday and I have volleyball wednesday and rowing Tuesday and Thursday.. What are we going to do then? We work weekends
What are we going to do?
Maybe it’s easier if we end things because otherwise we’ll just start drifting apart and never really have any closure.

I kind of want you to read this so you know how I feel.. But I don’t want you to be angry at me. I’ve tried to talk to you about this but all of our conversations seem half hearted..

Maybe you are in love with someone else..

Maybe I’ll ask next time

Maybe I’ll just take time away from you for a bit and see if you start to miss me.

I haven’t really seen jake with another girl… But still.. Wtf?

This is going to shit..
Usually cold feet lasts me an hour, maybe two
This has lasted two days.. and I’m scared..
I don’t want this to end.. because I know I love him so much, I just need him to show me he loves me as much as he says he does..